Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
