So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
