i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
