Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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