I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
