i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
