you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
