i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
