booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
