Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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