She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
