I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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