That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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