next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
