So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize