2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
