Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
