I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
