my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
