It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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