she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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