I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
