"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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