I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
