Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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