You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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