My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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