Your face is a jimmy john
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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