You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
