This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
