Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
they need to just BURY HIM!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
