So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize