In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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