hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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