i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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