what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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