He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
