i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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