You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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