I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
