go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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