I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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