I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
