my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
