need another drink. this is the easiest way
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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