remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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