I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
