i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
