I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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