you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
