He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
