hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
