I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
