I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
