We're like a lot better than the average bears
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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