On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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