so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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