DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
