i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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