I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize