Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
