hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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