I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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