I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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