We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
